Wednesday, December 4, 2013

An Anniversary of Sorts.

My focus lately has been on regaining control – control over my health, my art and my life in general. Then I remembered a year ago today is when I found a lump in my breast. I realized that any control I think I have is probably an illusion. Oh, I can control my actions and reactions, but "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio ...."

And I also realized – through some playing around with paint, no less – that things usually resolve themselves fairly well when you just let go. Sometimes I wonder how long I'll have to beat my head against the "loosen up" wall before I actually learn the lesson. It's been almost thirty years since my high school art teacher first said it to me and I'm still struggling to get it.
You can barely see the muddy mess underneath the green paint.
The bad news is I tried to control the acrylic paint and ended up with a muddy brown mess. The good news is I didn't throw it in the trash like I wanted to and instead simply walked away for a bit. When I came back, I squirted out four blobs of paint and spread them out with my fingers. Then I grabbed a paper towel and dabbed around until I had them blended together. It worked so well I grabbed another canvas board and some different colors to try it again. Now I have a couple of the ideas running around in my head started instead of still doing laps.

As for the cancer crapiversary, I'm three months out from finishing treatment and being declared cancer-free, still waiting to feel normal again. Still wondering when every little blip on my physical radar won't make me think, "Oh crap." Maybe when I stop focusing on the little blips and pull back to take in the big picture.

As my husband would say, "Ya think?!!"


Thank you for visiting! I'm so happy you stopped by!