Wednesday, March 20, 2013

THIS I Could Control.

I knew this day was coming. The doctor told me it's like clockwork – two to three weeks after the first chemo cycle I'd start to lose my hair. Well, today is two weeks to the day and he was right, although it wasn't how I expected.

The most surprising thing is it kind of hurts. I woke in the middle of last night with a pins & needles kind of sensation. I turned the light on in the bathroom, ran my fingers through my hair and came away with a handful of it. I spent a few minutes feeling sorry for myself – okay, probably more than a few – and went back to bed.

This morning I got the punks to school and then went home to get out the clippers I use on the Hubster and Punk. I got a trash can, a broom and went to the bathroom to shave my head. It felt surprisingly good. It was like I was flipping off cancer. "You want to take my hair?" I thought. "Screw you, I'll take it myself!"

I took a picture to send to the hubster at work and I'll post it here eventually. I'm not quite that adjusted to it yet, although he seemed to think it was cute. Of course, we look like twins now, so that might factor in.

The next hurdle is the punks. I have to pick them up from school in a little bit, so I'll get to try out my wig. I'm not sure how they'll react or how I'll react if they get upset. I've done a good job of holding it together in front of them so far, but I know this was one of Punkette's biggest concerns. Now I look like something is wrong. I hope it will be like every other thing I've worried about their reaction to – I'll anticipate problems and they'll blow me away by not particularly caring.

Punk, who is your normal blood-thirsty 10yo boy, wanted to see my head immediately. Then he was mildly disappointed because I still have hair – it's just a close buzz like his dad's. And he didn't notice I had my wig on until his sister said something.

Punkette didn't want to see my head at all, even after Punk told her I look like dad. I've been wearing a hat around the house – I'm not sure how my husband stands it because it's cold – and I took it off last night to give my head a good scratch. She saw it then and said it wasn't bad, but she'd rather I keep it covered. Of course, this is the girl who wouldn't get in the car with me when I got a haircut with bangs before picking her up from preschool. It took the teacher and I about 10 minutes to convince her it was me. She's never been a big fan of change, but I think she'll adjust.


  1. Hi, Karen! Don't worry too much about your hair: after finishing your medical treatment you're going to have a beautiful hair again. I know this because I have two friends with the same problem than you. Now they have finished their medical treatments and, happily, they are OK. They have no cancer anymore and their hair is growing very well.

    By the way, my husband has chronic leukemia, he has had six chemo cycles and now he is well, the illness has disappeared at least for a few years, because this illness, unfortunately, has no a total cure by now.

    Karen, I love your drawings very much, and you'll see, you are going to be fine very soon :)

    Greetings from Madrid.

    1. Mari, Thank you so much for contacting me. It always amazes and humbles me to get comments from other countries. I truly appreciate your thoughts and encouragement. And I'll be sending thoughts, prayers and positive energy your husband's way. I keep telling my husband he's got it as tough as me because he can't do anything, so there will be thoughts and prayers for strength coming your way as well. Take care, Karen

  2. I read your post and immediately got a lump in my throat. And thought to myself, would I be brave enough to shave my own head. I must say you are brave and I hope the kids blew it out as nothing out of the ordinary

    1. See, now I thought I was being pretty chicken because I couldn't handle continuing to watch it all fall out. As soon as I took the first swipe, my stomach quit churning and my head quit hurting. It was like a weight lifted, because hey, I'm done with waiting for it to happen. Thanks for thinking of me. Best wishes to you, Karen

  3. thanks for the update, you have great kids


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