Monday, February 25, 2013

And Now, The Rest of the Story ...

I've been debating for weeks whether to share the rest of my story. The last few months have really sucked and I couldn't decide what and how much to write about. I didn't want to sit down here and whine for paragraphs on end, so I just quit sitting here. The thing is, my illustrated journal – and by extension this blog – have a huge role in my mental well-being. It's what I do for me and only me because I want to. And then the suckiness started and I dropped it all like a hot potato – not a good idea.

So here it goes. Just remember, while it's not good news, it does get better.

I found out at the end of last year that I have breast cancer. Big surprise for me because there's really not much real estate in that area, if you get my meaning. We (my husband has been with me every step of the way) spent most of December and January in a daze, attempting to keep things as normal as possible for the punks, while simultaneously trying to get a handle on what was going on.

Luckily, aside from the whole cancer diagnosis thing, the news from my doctors has been very good. We found the cancer early, it was small, hadn't spread and they got it all with my surgery. I'll start treatment in a week to take care of any microscopic boogers still partying and reduce my risk of recurrence. I'm confident once I get through the next six months and all of what I've started thinking of as cancer crap, I'll be healthy.

This is not a fork in the road I ever envisioned myself taking, but then, who really does? Up to this point I've led a fairly charmed life – a wonderful husband, smart and healthy punks, supportive family, a job I can fit around my schedule. The dog's a little goofy, but then they usually are. It's all been good. And you know what, I might be fighting cancer, but none of those important elements of a good life have changed. We'll get through this and be stronger for it when we're done.

I'm going to be posting again, but fair warning that it's probably not going to be all unicorns, glitter and sunshine. I'm finding that facing this with my usual skewed perspective and sense of humor helps. I've always tried to remember it's easier to smile than frown. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I keep on trying.

15 comments:

  1. I love reading your blog, and seeing your art, and hearing about your life, share away , mad sad, happy, keep posting, talking about to anyone or everyone helps

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  2. Sickness sucks I believe an artists ability to use the right hemisphere more freely adapts us better for handling pain management. Otherwise, thinking of you.

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  3. I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I hope you are strengthened by knowing how many fans of yours like me are out here thinking of you and sending healing thoughts. When you are ready, your creativity will flow. Till then take care of yourself.

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  4. Thank you! I'm glad to know I'm not scaring everyone off and I truly do appreciate your warm wishes and kind thoughts.

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  5. Hey,I am so happy you have come back. You are more than this disease and your creative side will be a source of hope, strnegth and life. So you go girl! I am here for all of you and I love you, Janice

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  6. I've wondered where you've been. It's good to hear and see you! You have many us out her in cybercity praying for you!

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  7. Karen - I will be lifting you up in prayer as you go through your chemo. It sounds as though you have many factors in your favor and the support of your husband as well. All very positive things. and - keep the skewed sense of humor - it is a gift!!! Our church runs a cancer support group, and Saturday we hosted a woman by the name of Lynn Eib, who has authored a book "When God and Cancer Meet" There was a wonderful response to the seminar, and she is an amazing speaker.
    I recommend the book - let me know if you cannot find a copy, I will gladly send you one if you are interested.
    Blessings,
    jeanbohio (from Flickr)

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    1. Jean - Thank you for your well wishes. I actually have that book!

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  8. I am so sorry to hear you have this burden to carry. I hadn't visited your blog since my last comment as I have been busy minding grandchildren....but please know you will be in my prayers [I hear He listens to us sinners} . . . I hope you continue your good spirit as it is always the best medicine. If I lived closed I would bring you something sweet to cheer you! Spring is on it's way and it always brings hope! good wishes . . .

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  9. I am glad you are still journaling through this hard time. I journaled (am journaling) though my divorce and aftermath and I think it has saved my sanity. It's a good release for emotions and working though all those racing thoughts. Been thinking of you every day since I learned of your diagnosis. Hugs.

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    1. My journal's gotten me through tough times before, so I'm still clueless as to why I dropped it for a while. Thanks for the hugs. Back at you!

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  10. I'd taken a flickr hiatus for awhile but I did notice that you were gone. I'm so sorry to hear of your diagnosis! But even having said that, it sounds like you are receiving good care and treatment, and within months most of the cancer crap will just be a memory. My suspicion is, this will change you in ways you can't comprehend until you walk through this journey. Some changes will be expected, some won't; but they will help you to see what a strong woman you are! I value your perspective on life while raising your "punks" and cherish the inspiration you've given me by sharing your illustrated journals. We don't expect glitter and sunshine! Just be whoever you are at the moment you sit down to write and sketch -- and thank you for allowing us into your life!

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    1. Mindy -- Thank you so much. I'm blushing here - I always find it a little surreal to think people find my work inspirational. This blog started as a way to keep out-of-town relatives up-to-date with the punks and initially, I really think my mom & dad were the only ones that visited. I've only been journaling for seven years and I started after I found Danny Gregory's books. Now he's inspirational, but me? Eh. Thanks again for the kind words and encouragement. They are greatly appreciated!

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  11. Karen,

    I had taken a little break from blogging myself and just today checked back in to your blog - first time since December I think. I was shocked to read about the curve ball life has thrown you....mostly out of concern for you but also...

    We had the same diagnosis in our household within weeks of yours.

    I watched almost all of the sunrises in the cold depths of January because I only slept about two hours a night that month. The waiting, the tests, the additional waiting, the research, the choices, the complete and utter state of shock and disbelief. Those are all feelings we understand well in this household because, unbeknownst to each other, we were going through them right there with you.

    The shock has worn off (mostly), the test results are in (mostly), and life is getting back to normal (mostly). But we'll never be the same. Life is forever different.

    Nobody really expects to have breast cancer in their 40s (or maybe 30s in your case). We keep hearing how strong we are but you know what? It's not strength necessarily - it's that we have no choice! We *have* to keep calm and carry on!

    I have done well over 100 hours of online research on my wife's specific type and I'm sure you've done quite a bit yourself. If you'd like to compare notes or just talk and have someone to go through this with, just respond on here and my next post will contain my email address.

    Best wishes beautiful, and we hope to hear from you.

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    1. J,

      I'm so sorry you're family is going through this, too. And you are right, it all has very little to do with strength. What else are you supposed to do? I'm 41, I have two kids, a husband and a lot of plans. If throwing whatever I can, including the kitchen sink if it will help, means I'll come out of this healthy in the end, then really, where's the choice? You just do what you have to do and move on.

      I'd be more than happy to talk with you anytime. Warm wishes and prayers are on their way to both your wife and you. Look forward to hearing from you.

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XOXO
Karen